The Anniversary

Anniversaries are usually a time of joy and celebration. Not this time. September 2, 2015 is the third anniversary of the worst day of my life. Three years ago, today, my world crashed and I lost a big part of my heart.

WaltOn a beautiful Sunday morning, three years ago I lost one of my sons, Walt, to a drug overdose. In the blink of an eye, literally, my whole life changed. I was filled with such desolation and misery that I was sure that I would never recover.

When a perfectly healthy person is in your life one minute and gone the next, that is more than shock. It’s devastation. As I sit here writing this I am pulled back to 2012 and the raw heartache I felt at the time. This is a place that I don’t usually allow my self to travel to, but at times, I slip back there.

It took me a long time to be able to wake every morning and feel as though I am still alive, but I am happy to say that I have reached that place where I feel like I am a part of the living.

It was a very difficult time to live through, but I am learning to live with this terrible loss day by day. Still, some days are good and some are not so good. On the not so good days I deal with whatever comes my way, let myself grieve and move on to brighter thoughts.

Walt will always be in my heart and he is in the heart of a lot of people, and that feels good. I am very blessed to have the support and love of many, many people. Some of these people will also live in my heart because of the things they did three years ago and still do everyday.

 

So, yes, today and every September 2nd I will mourn Walt, for the rest of my life. But, I will mourn quietly and in my own way. And I will keep in my mind and heart all of the blessings God has given me since that awful day. These blessings are what keep me going the rest of the year. These blessings are my family and friends. I love you all.

Looking Through The Confusion

There is a lot of what I consider confusion going on in the world today and in my opinion it all stems from abusing drugs and alcohol. Everyone knows what a drug addict looks like, right, but how about those who abuse alcohol.

medicationIt has become an accepted practice to come home from work, sit back and have a drink, and there isn’t anything wrong with that as long as you keep a clear head in the process. It’s fine to have a drink, not so good to have 7 or 8 drinks. This is what is happening more and more today and I think it has to do with dealing with stress. There has to be another way to handle these things. Think about this, it happens more than we realize.

However, as bad as alcohol is for you, drugs are worse. Every time I open a newspaper or see the news on television or even on FaceBook, all I see are the large numbers, especially of young people, who are ruining their lives with drugs. Sadly, even the person who has been using drugs for a number of years, sooner or later will perish from the use. They not only kill themselves, but they take a part of the hearts of those who love them

When we lose a loved one, especially from drug or alcohol abuse, we are left to pick up the pieces. I know things happen for a reason, but we all need to find a way to end these useless deaths.

I don’t have the answers, but I pray every day that someone does and that they share those answers with the world.

Take care. I’ll talk to you soon.

 

 

Where Do We Go From Here?

What is happening in our world? It seems like everywhere I turn, there is another story about a drug overdose taking the life of another young person. It’s such a tragedy.

candleI was reading an article recently about four near fatal drug overdoses in Whitby, Ontario, just east of Toronto. In a 30 hour period, police and paramedics were called to four different locations where someone had taken cocaine and became unresponsive. All four overdose victims were revived and are in the hospital.

I really hate cocaine, because that was my son’s drug of choice. My son Walt was a victim of a cocaine overdose, however, he was not revived, he was not that lucky. That dose of cocaine that he ingested was the last hit he’ll ever take in this lifetime. On September 2, 2012, after a night of partying, Walt took that hit of cocaine and passed out of this world which was an addictive life for him.

I know a lot of people say, “they didn’t have to take the drugs in the first place.” Give me a break! Have you ever done something stupid, and you knew at the time that it was stupid and that you shouldn’t have done it, and did it anyway. That’s called being human. We are all guilty of that type of thing.

My son did something stupid and paid for it with his life. But not only that, we, his family, are the ones who are left here on Earth to deal with the loss. And so, we deal with it the best that we can. If you have had such a loss, please get help to assist you through the dark days of grief. We never get over the loss, we learn to live with it. It does become bearable as time goes by, but we keep our loved ones in our heart, where they stay safe from the madness.

Your Next Steps after Loss

I’m sure that you remember my last post. It was about the sudden grief that enveloped my grandson regarding his uncle’s, my son’s, death. Walt has been gone for almost three years and still the grief hangs on to us all.

file0001286848815However, there comes a time in all of our lives where we have to accept the grief, give in to it, and move on. Yes, I still grieve. I will grieve the rest of my life, but that doesn’t mean that I have given up on life. When grief rears it’s ugly head, and it does so often, I give in, I cry for a while. I think the crying has helped me to move on. When I finish crying, I ask my guides and angels for help to get through the day.

Like I state in my book,  My Dragonfly Walt, after such a loss you can either be bitter or better. Being bitter will get you nowhere. Better is the best road to take in my opinion. Believe me I know the desolation that is caused by this loss. I have lost a lot of people, mother, father, brothers, etc., but I have never experienced such desolation that I felt with this loss. I often wondered, in the beginning, during my first bout with grief, why God did this to me.

I am slowly starting to realize what I came to this Earth to accomplish and my losing Walt, from a drug overdose,  was something I signed on for this time around. I explain it in much more detail in the book, so why not pick up a copy. 

Thanks for reading my blog. I wish you all a day of happiness and love.

Take care. I’ll talk to you soon.

Love and Loss

It’s a dreary day here in Philadelphia, so when I woke this morning my attitude was the same as the day. Not Sunny.  I went online to check my FB, Twitter and email, just to see if anything had happened in the world while I slept.

dedicationWhat I saw actually hurt my heart. My oldest grandson, 13, put together a post expressing how much he misses his Uncle Walt. Along with the post he made a small video of Walt, and all I can say it that it took my breath away.

On one hand, its great to know that Walt is missed, but I don’t want my grandson to hurt from this loss. Right away I wanted to take the hurt from him and put it on me. I’m the adult, I can handle it better. But after my morning meditation I realized something. What Zach is feeling is a learning experience. We all have our good days and bad days and that is what makes us the people we grow to become, it’s life.

As a grandmother, I want to protect my grandchildren, not just one, but all of them. But then I am forced to see that they also have a purpose in this life, to learn. The biggest surprise is when I step back and look at a situation like this I realize how much I am still growing and learning.

I know that all of my children and grandchildren will grieve the loss of Walt, but we have so many good, funny and lasting memories of him and we can make them last us a lifetime.

What’s the Difference?

What is the difference between a spirit and a soul? I have been asked this question many times. I have decided to try to explain the difference. When we talk about Spirit and Soul, we need to add Body to that mix. Spirit and soul are not the same. They are two different and distinct parts of you.

spiritYour body is a physical being. We all grew from an embryo that is made up of cells, organs, tissue/skin and muscle. We all know what the body takes to survive. It needs food, water,shelter, fresh air and sunshine and love. While we are living here on Earth we need a spirit to experience conditions of human life and to learn the lessons that only the Earthly realm teaches.

During conception, or some believe at the time of birth, Spirit enters our bodies as a soul. The Soul is Spirit incarnate, which simply means that the spirit is embodied in the soul. The soul is the part of us that never dies. The soul stores all of our memories and physical experiences from our many lives. It is our soul that decides when and whether to return to the Earth plane for another life experience.

The Spirit is the highest form of a human. Spirit means “breath of God.” It is the highest aspect of who we are. I believe that the spirit is the God energy that flows through us. It ignites our souls. It is the oneness of everything. Spirit helps our souls to express ourselves.

Our souls need our bodies to spend time on Earth. Our spirit ignites our souls to help us express ourselves. So, we need all three to exist on the Earth plane.

I know this sounds deep, but it really isn’t. Body, Spirit, Soul – the three are all a part of one – YOU!

Take care. I’ll talk to you soon.

Letting Go of the Old

Lately that is all that I’ve been hearing. Let go of the old, the things that no longer belong in your life. Some of the things that I have recently let go of have enriched my life. Funny thing is, I didn’t realize that I was holding on to some of those things.

releaseLife is what we make of it. Do we all deserve the best that life has to offer? Of course we do. Do we have to work for what we want? Again, of course, but it need not be as hard as you think. The way that we look at life has a lot to do with what we hold dear to us. When you start to incorporate things like love, peace, serenity and goodness, into our lives, we begin to look at life differently.

When you wish others peace and love in their lives, it really does come back to us tenfold. Hate, fear and negativity have no place in our lives. When you keep hope, love and positive feelings in your heart, you’ll get back the very best that life has to offer. When you constantly fear that something bad will happen, it will because that is what you have in your thoughts and therefore, your heart.

Release anything that holds you back, causes you fear or negativity. Release it the same way that you would release a hand full of balloons. They don’t belong in your life. You want to have only positive things in your daily life. So, kick the rest to the curb.

Living a life that follows the Laws of Attraction can bring all of the benefits for living a full life.

Take care. I’ll talk to you soon.

Placing Blame

If there is one thing that really get my blood boiling it’s placing blame. Each and every one of us has a family member who has, at one time or another, dealt with addiction whether it is alcohol, drugs, tobacco, etc. When I look back at my family, I see quite a few who were addicted to one thing or the other.

file0001286848815We have to remember that we are a part of the human race and we are subject to all sorts of things that can come between us and our peace of mind. But, speaking strictly about drug abuse. No matter what anyone says, it is a SICKNESS plain and simple.

Yeah, I know, I’ve heard it all before. No one forced you to take the drugs in the first place, true. If you don’t get yourself clean, it will kill you, true. It’s your own fault, no one told you to take them, true that no one told you to take them. All of these statements are true, but then that little thing about being human pops up.

I know how angry you can get when you watch a loved one who is addicted to drugs. I’ve seen it, lived through it. Who do we blame? Society? the environment? the parents, the one addicted? Why do we blame anyone? Think about this for a minute. Yes, they took that first step, but haven’t you ever done something that was wrong and you knew it was wrong, and you did it anyway. If you haven’t then you are one unique human being.

We were not put on this earth to blame or judge anyone. We are all here for specific purposes and all of those purpose begin with love. Instead of judging someone, why not show them love and try to help them. I do understand that even showing love may not stop them from abusing drugs, but you can at least try.

I know that people who have read my book, “My Dragonfly” told me that the book was great and that it opened their eyes to certain things and made them think. That is the reason I wrote the book, not just to tell my story, but to help anyone who is in the same boat as me.

If you have read the book, please leave a comment and let me know if it helped you at all. If you haven’t read the book yet, please do and let me know if it had any effect on you.

Till next time.

Dragonfly

Dragonflies are described as having an association with transformation. It symbolizes change, a change in perspective of how you look at things and an emotional maturity of understanding the deeper meaning of life and all that life entails.

dragonfly1One of the first times that I had contact with my son, Walter, in spirit, he showed me a dragonfly and I knew then that every time I saw a dragonfly he was sending me a message. I never thought about it much, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dragonfly in nature before he passed.

A dragonfly has an iridescence about it, body and wings. At times it looks like it is changing colors, depending on the angle which you look at it. He is an amazing insect, able to be comfortable on water, land and while flying high in the sky

So, it is symbolic of change, and self realization. The dragonfly is said to live it’s life with no regrets. I think that’s a wonderful way to live. We could all take a lesson from the dragonfly.

The dragonfly teaches us to pay attention to the deeper thoughts that rise up into our consciousness. The dragonfly, like Walt, lives a short life, but it teaches us to live life to the fullest.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this post, or the book if you have read it. If not, please take the time to buy it in paperback or as a digital download right here